My Homework Ate My Homework

Please think about their sacrifices for us for a minute instead of being selfish and giving us things to do every day.

Jai Hind.3Dear Sir, I will not be able to hand in my homework today because homework is a diabolical colonial plot.

n 1984 the administrators of my public school—I was in seventh grade—thought it would be a terrific idea if students were instructed in computers.

The school had purchased a small roomful of these bulky machines—Commodore 64s, if I remember—and we were made to sit in front of them and tap out commands and listen to a nice man named Mr.

Making children do homework was a British conspiracy that has been handed down to our faulty education system so that we continue remaining slaves. Pressing the feet of my elders, reciting instantly.4Dear Madam, I regret to inform you that I cannot hand in my homework assignment in the manner in which you seek it. So kindly excuse.6 Dear Madam, Henceforth, consider this my homework for all future assignments. Even though the cow has only two legs in the front, they are called forelegs.

Henceforth, I will submit all my English assignments in Hindi. Usually these decisions are born of bureaucratic envy—the neighboring district got them so we have to get them, too. But, whatever the bad dream, they all have to end with Mrs Fernandez, my Class 4 maths teacher, fixing me with her one good eye and hissing through the gap in her tobacco-stained front teeth, ‘Shastreee, where your homework?’, and me waking up in a warm puddle (that I suspect is just sweat) with my heart pounding. My heart goes out to schoolboys everywhere (and a few schoolgirls, too, because the rest are pesky teacher’s pets whose sole purpose in life is showing up schoolboys like myself). When that happens the student has to enter the complicated and time-consuming process of having them repaired or replaced. Students these days mostly don’t turn in their homework by bringing papers to class—so primitive! That word “upload” sounds easy and efficient, but so many things go wrong.The Internet goes down just as the midnight deadline passes, a crucial password suddenly doesn’t work, the upload doesn’t “take” somehow and the teacher never receives it.Same goes for social studies, science and mathematics. Assignments in any South Indian language will be submitted with the words ‘ dance’ written over and over.5Dear Madam, I am unable to submit my homework because I am spending all my time building a large statue of Prithviraj Chauhan or, er, Rana Pratap. The girls tell me that games are—air quotes—“prohibited” on their laptops.But most of the students know how to get around the blocks and look at whatever they want to online.


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